Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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