I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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