im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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