two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
