Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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