first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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