There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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