Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize