I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
