I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
