Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
