Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
