Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop