I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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