Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i believe in u and ur pee
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
