Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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