Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You ate ashes out of my bong
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
