thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
