so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
