I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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