Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(423): View more from Tennessee

my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"

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(423): my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead" http://tfl.nu/865j

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(301): View more from Maryland

remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school

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(301): remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school http://tfl.nu/dith

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(971): View more from Oregon

There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.

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(971): There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home. http://tfl.nu/78m4

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I hope my margaritas pass through security.

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(610): I hope my margaritas pass through security. http://tfl.nu/1pwp

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.

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(201): Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties. http://tfl.nu/ddyo

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(586): View more from Michigan

Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers

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(586): Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers http://tfl.nu/65ag

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(248): View more from Michigan

I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.

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(248): I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory. http://tfl.nu/kmrf

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.

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(908): Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger. http://tfl.nu/ni0e

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(908): View more from New Jersey

where's my purse there's an important taco in it

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(908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq

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(201): View more from New Jersey

PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon

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(201): PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon http://tfl.nu/nm2q

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(541): View more from Oregon

Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.

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(541): Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/cv6a

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(314): View more from Missouri

It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke

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(314): It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke http://tfl.nu/h2tw

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(281): View more from Texas

I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.

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(281): I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth. http://tfl.nu/cgjr

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.

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(651): Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz. http://tfl.nu/u6wd

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words

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(704): She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words http://tfl.nu/kxrj

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