He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"