No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"