I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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