i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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