my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
