Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
