and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
