I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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