I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
