i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.