How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you