A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.