Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
