Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
