nut hugger
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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