weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
