i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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