Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize