hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
