You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
