Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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