im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
