One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I deserve this hangover.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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