I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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