Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
