I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
