dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this will be a night to untag.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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