yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
