I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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