I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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