i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
