Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize