Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
