no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
