today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
