he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
