You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
