It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
