The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
