omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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