YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The best revenge is premature balding
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
