Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
