i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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