I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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